


Every Kingdom Falls

by MercuryStars



Series: How Far I'll Go [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Dark Side, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Gen, Good Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Good Deceit | Janus Sanders, Good Parent Deceit Sanders, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Kid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Parent Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Unsympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Young Sides (Sanders Sides), well he's a teenager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryStars/pseuds/MercuryStars
Summary: When Creativity is split in two and Remus appears in the darkscape there are more consequences than anyone thought possible. Remus can't and won't be without his twin and Janus refuses to allow the other boy to be left alone at the mercy of the 'light' sides. He brings Roman back the darkscape and begins raising the twins, becoming a father again. He just wishes Virgil could be there with them too. Janus hasn't seen Virgil in years and misses him more than he thought possible but maybe things are about to change? Maybe, with courage and a little bit of luck, Virgil might finally return to him.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: How Far I'll Go [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744048
Comments: 45
Kudos: 385





	1. Every Kingdom Falls

**Author's Note:**

> Roman and Remus are around 8-10 years old  
> Virgil is a teenager, around 14 or 15  
> Janus, Patton and Logan are all their normal ages  
> There'll be one chapter a day until it's done!

It was quiet. It was always quiet in the dark space. Janus was alone, he had been for a long time now. So much so that he didn’t mind it anymore. Well, at least that’s what he claimed. It was easier to pretend, to accept the loneliness than to dwell on what could have been.

“HELLO??” Janus’ head shot up. Well, that was new. None of the light sides ever came here. In his memory, it had only happened once. He didn’t recognise the voice either. This could only mean one thing. A new side had appeared. Quickly standing from the chair he was curled up in, he donned his hat and fastened his cape around his shoulders with lightly trembling fingers.

* * *

He raced to the border between the light and dark spaces, eyes widening as a small figure came into view. He slowed his pace and called out, “Hello?” The boy turned towards him and he looked shockingly familiar. Familiar but…off. Janus managed a small smile as he crouched in front of the other, looking him over. “Hello,” he repeated, “I am Deceit but you can call me Janus. Who might you be?”

The boy stared at him, looking him over in return seemingly deciding whether or not he could be trusted. “I’m…” he trailed off, having to think about his answer before he was able to provide one, “Remus, the Duke. I’m…Creativity.” He was confused by the tears that pricked his eyes when he answered. “I’m creativity, _I’m creativity,_ I’M CREATIVITY!” His hands fisted in his hair and he began to tug angrily, not understanding why he was so upset.

Janus could only stare as Remus began to panic, frantically tugging on his hair. Snapping out of it, he gently grabbed the Duke’s hands taking them in his own to stop him from hurting himself. “Remus, Remus listen to me, focus on me, okay? Can you do that?” Minutes ticked by as he waited for a response, eventually receiving a sharp nod. “Remus, do you…” he paused wondering if this was a good idea. Shaking his head he decided he needed to know, dread already filling his heart. “Do you know who Romulus is?”

Remus’ teary green eyes widened as his mind was flooded with knowledge. King Creativity. King _Romulus_. That…that was him. That was him! But…but not anymore…something had happened…what? What had happened to him? More memories poured into his head and he understood. The Duke flung himself into Janus’ arms and he sobbed. Sobbed for who he was and who he had been and who he could never be again.

Janus’ arms instinctively wrapped around the crying side, holding him close and mumbling words of comfort. Slowly, he stood, settled Remus on his hip and began the walk back to his home, their home now he supposed, Remus crying into his shoulder the whole way.

* * *

As they arrived back Janus set Remus down on the couch, wrapping a blanket tightly around his shoulders before making his way to the kitchen with a promise of returning soon with a snack. As soon as he was alone he braced himself on the counter, fury flooding his previously calm expression. He would need Remus to confirm it but he already had his suspicions on what could have happened and he didn’t like it. Didn’t like it one bit. With a deep breath, he reigned in his emotions and returned to the other room.

Upon returning he couldn’t help a small smile as he saw Remus gnawing on the corner of his blanket. He placed a plate of cookies and a glass of juice on the table in front of him as he took a seat next to the little Duke. “Remus?” He waited until he was looking up at him to continue, “Can you tell me what happened? It’s okay if you can’t right now, we can talk later if that’s easier.”

Remus shook his head wildly, “No! We have to go now! The blue one-”

“Morality?” Janus interrupted, for clarification. He had a feeling it was Morality over Logic if history was anything to go by.

“Yes, Morality! He surprised us! We didn’t have a chance! It hurt!” Remus growled, voice wobbling slightly.

“Us?” Janus questioned with a sinking heart. This was decidedly not good. Janus could feel the pain and anger in his heart. He had actually _liked_ King Romulus. They got on well. To hear that Patton had done something to him was enough to anger him, even if he wasn’t exactly sure on the details, what he’d heard so far was bad enough.

“I…Romulus was just leaving the imagination when we- _he_ was grabbed. The last thing he saw was Morality before everything went black. Then…then,” Remus froze, struggling to sort through his memories to find what had happened next. He gasped and jumped up from the couch, thrusting one arm into the air, moments later a morning star nearly the size of the Duke appeared from thin air and crashed to the ground as Remus tried to lift it.

With effort Janus was able to move the weapon himself, lifting it over his shoulder to keep it out of reach of the smaller side. “Then what Remus? What did he do after that?”

Not so easily deterred an angry Remus jumped for his weapon, not quite being able to reach. Sighing, he kicked the table leg in frustration, “He ripped us in two! We’re not one anymore, we’re two! We’re not Romulus anymore! We’re…we’re Remus and…Roman. We’re twins and he kept my twin and he kicked me out cause he sad I wasn’t ‘light’, I have to go and get him, we’re not meant to be apart! Not ever!”

Janus’ eyes widened and a hand shot up to cover his mouth. It was true. He knew it was true. Bubbling anger rose up within him and he shrank the morning star to a more appropriate size and handed it back. “Stay here. Keep this close. I’ll be back soon.” Remus nodded as Janus turned to go. He had a twin to get.


	2. Come live with us in the palace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for snake dad to make a daring rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, I imagine the borders between the lightscape and darkscape to have a small neutral space in between and some open space before arriving at where the sides live on either side. As for the barrier's that are mentioned they're kind of like invisible force field domes. Patton controls the light sides one and Janus the dark sides.

The closer he got to the border the more determined he became. He had left his hat, cape and even gloves back at home with Remus, not wanting his movement to be hindered in any way. He needed to be quick. Get in, get Roman, get out. No stops. No stops…not for anything, no matter how much he wanted to, he needed to remember that.

He grimaced as he stepped over the border, feeling a slight shock. It had been forever since he’d last been here, he didn’t like it any better back then either. Last time though, last time he was too late. Not this time. This time there wasn’t a chance he was leaving without what he came for.

Slowly and quietly he crept into the halls of the light space, ears intently listening for even the slightest sounds. If he was caught here…well, he didn’t know what they’d do but it most assuredly wouldn’t be good. It felt like he’d been sneaking around this place for an age but he refused to give up. Luckily, his efforts soon paid off. Just as he was about to round another corner he heard voices and froze, back pressed firmly to the wall.

“Okay kiddo, I’ll give you some more time to cool off. I’ll be back soon.” The sickly sweet voice of Patton drifted to his ears and he waited with eyes closed and bated breath. When he heard nothing but retreating footsteps he risked a look around the corned and discovered Patton was gone. Thank the host. He darted out from his hiding spot and approached the door as fast as he dared.

As silently as possible he turned the knob on the door and slipped inside the room. Pushing it closed he turned around only to be met with two deep red eyes looking up at him curiously from the bed. He stared back, then shook his head. He didn’t have time for this, they had to go. “Prince Roman, I presume?”

Receiving a nod he strode forward, kneeling in front of him. He needed to explain and quickly. Before he could start, however, Roman asked, “Who are you? You don’t look like the others.” He gestured to the patches of scales littering Janus’ face, arms and hands. 

A small smile graced Janus’ features as he answered, “Trust me, I’m not like the others you’ve met. I’m Deceit, Janus. Now, we don’t have a lot of time, he said he’d be back soon right?” With a worried nod from Roman he continued, “I don’t know how much you know, but you have a brother,-”

“Remus! You know where he is? Can you take me to him? Is he safe?” Roman asked pleadingly, tears filling his eyes. He missed his brother, he had fought to remember what had happened to him the second he’d been left alone. He was scared and he hated it here, stuck with the people who had torn him in half and locked him away from his brother.

“Yes he’s safe and yes, I can take you to him but we have to go now and we have to be quick, understand little Prince?” With a nod from Roman, Janus took his hand and pulled him to the door, once more opening it as silently as he possibly could. Poking his head out and seeing no one, he stepped out, not bothering to close the door behind him.

Taking a glance further down the hallway in the direction he knew Patton had gone, he froze. There was another door, one he hadn’t noticed before. Black with a purple thunder cloud. Screwing his eyes tightly shut he took a breath. No stops. Not for anything. That was the promise he’d made to himself. Ignoring the ache in his heart, he gripped Roman’s hand and pulled him along the corridors, back the way he came.

Just as the border back to home, back to safety, came into sight there was a yell from deep within the light sides mindscape. From the sounds of it, right where they’d just come from. Roman turned fearful eyes up to Janus, who did his best to look reassuring. With no warning, the deceitful side scooped the prince into his arms and took off running as fast as he possibly could. Two extra sets of arms coming out to keep Roman secure and steady in his arms.

He didn’t dare risk a look back but with Roman’s sharp intake of breath next to his ear he supposed he didn’t need to. The second he was over into the dark space he set Roman down and exhaustedly flung up the barrier, barring access to anyone not already inside.

With heavy breath’s he closed his eyes and hid away two sets of arms once more, letting himself breathe easier. They were safe. He’d done it. Everything was okay. He opened his eyes once more when he felt Roman’s small hand slip into his own. Looking up he forced himself not to jump when he was met with the faces of Patton and Logan, both staring intensely at him, mere centimetres away on the other side of the barrier.

He let his trademark smirk fall into place as he subtly squeezed Roman’s hand comfortingly. “I guess you should have thought of doing this yourselves, huh?” He asked sarcastically, knocking one finger against the barrier which rippled in response. “Or maybe you just shouldn’t have done what you did.” He added darkly, “It’s immoral and for morality, well…isn’t that just a laugh and a half?” Turning his back to the others without waiting for a response, he kept a hold of Roman’s hand as he began to lead the Prince away.

“He’s doing well with us. Better than he ever could have here, with you.” Patton’s voice called, his tone conversational but something less than kind dancing in his eyes. Janus felt his heart tear a little when he heard this, despite knowing there’s nothing he could have done to stop what had happened. He glared over his shoulder but didn’t dignify them with a response. He had two children to look after now, he had to focus on them. He kept walking.


	3. There's a room waiting for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus gets Roman home, the twins are reunited and they spend their first night in the darkscape.

Remus, who had been nearly asleep on the couch, shot up when he heard the door click open and two sets of feet coming inside. He was hopeful but not naive. He scrambled down, grabbing his morning star and lifting it over his head in preparation to attack any possible intruders. When he saw Janus enter pulling a sleepy-looking Roman along behind him, all thoughts of maiming vanished as he discarded the weapon. He charged forward and flung himself at his twin, knocking them both to the floor in a heap.

Janus cringed as the coffee table was destroyed by Remus’ carelessly dropping the morning star onto it but he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed. Not when the pair of twins were sat on the floor hugging each other like the other would vanish if they let go. He couldn’t help but smile softly at the scene, only speaking when Remus yawned widely, revealing slightly sharpened teeth. “Okay, you two, we need to talk about everything that’s happened. But it’s late. Bedtime.” Janus found himself easily slipping into a parental role, ignoring how it tugged at his heart.

As the twins climbed up off of the floor he herded them upstairs, where two new doors had appeared. He hid a snort of laughter as they took one look at the separate doors and then at each other before one of the doors just…vanished. Shaking his head fondly, Janus just opened the remaining door widely as they all piled into the room to look around.

The carpet was forest green and the walls white, two beds diagonal from each other in corners, both four-poster, one with gold and red, the other with black and green. There was also another door, which emitted a faint blue glow to Janus’ surprise, labelled ‘Imagination’. Moving bluebirds flew high up on the walls, artfully dodging tentacles which reached out to grab them from the octopus moving around nearer the bottom. 

Remus and Roman looked at each other and grinned before throwing themselves onto either bed and laughing loudly. “Okay, pyjamas on then sleep. I’ll be right down the hall if you need anything. Goodnight.” Before he was able to step out he was grabbed around the waist by both of the twins. His eyes welled with tears as he knelt down and hugged them back tightly. He subtly wiped his eyes as he stood back up and repeated, “Goodnight boys.” After a chorus of ‘Goodnight Janus!’ he stepped out and shut the door. Leaning against it for a moment and smiling as he heard the laughter from within.

Janus sat up for a while longer, going over the day's events in his head and mourning the loss of his friend. He raised his glass in a silent toast to King Romulus. He knew he wouldn’t be seeing his friend again and while he was incredibly upset by this, at least he wasn’t completely gone. He could see him shining through in both Remus and Roman and he already cared deeply about the twins now under his care. He knew he would do anything to protect them. 

Sighing he cleared away his glass and made his way to his room, time to turn in for the night. On his way past he stopped and pressed his ear to the new door. Hearing nothing from inside he continued, glad they were asleep at last. After changing into his own nightclothes and tidying away his things he settled into bed, falling asleep quickly.

* * *

“Remus..? Are you asleep yet?” Roman whispered quietly into the dark room, hugging his blanket close to him nervously. He had been trying to fall asleep for what felt like forever but couldn’t seem to manage it.

“Yes.” Was the tiredly grumbled response just a moment later. 

“Oh.” He mumbled back, biting his lip. He would just have to keep trying to fall asleep himself. Well, that’s what he thought at least until he heard an overly dramatic sigh and Remus’ feet padding over to his bed. Moments later his brother had pulled himself up onto his bed and sat cross-legged looking at him, his green blanket around his shoulders, chewing on one corner.

“You can’t sleep either?” Remus asked through the blanket, Roman shaking his head in response. “Hmm, what do you think we should do?”

“Do you think…do you think Janus is still awake? He did say he’d be just down the hall if we needed anything.” It had been a long day for both Remus and Roman and though they were both young and exhausted, they knew they wouldn’t be able to find peace tonight if they didn’t do something. Roman couldn’t sleep because he was afraid someone would come and take him away from his brother again, Remus unable to find sleep for similar reasons. They were _scared_.

“Good thinking, let’s go,” Remus said immediately, grabbing his soft green blanket in one hand and Roman’s hand in the other. Similarly, Roman threw the covers off of himself and pulled his red blanket too him as well, gladly accepting his brother’s hand.

The pair glanced at each other and then stepped out into the dark hallway. They crept along the hall and came to a halt in front of the tall black and yellow door. “You knock,” Roman whispered.

“No, you!”

“You!”

“You do it!”

“Why can’t you?”

“Dibs not it!”

Roman looked at Remus with betrayal, Remus only poking his tongue out in response. With a huff, Roman knocked on the door before pushing it open and the pair stepping inside.

“Janus?” Roman asked hesitantly. No response. “Janus?” He tried again, a little louder than before. Still nothing.

“Janus!” Remus called out, significantly louder than Roman. He grinned triumphantly as he heard a grumble in response.

Groggily, Janus was pulled from his sleep. Tiredly he sat up, leaning on his arms, confused to see the twins standing at the foot of his bed. “Boys? What are you doing here, you should be asleep.” Then what he had said to them earlier came back to him, “What’s the matter? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly, becoming more alert by the moment.

“We, ahem, it’s just that-” Roman stuttered anxiously, not knowing how to explain.

“We couldn’t sleep,” Remus took over at seeing Roman’s hesitation, “can we sleep in here with you?”

“Please?” Roman hopefully added on at the end.

Janus blinked at them once. Twice. Three times, before shaking his head and nodding once. “Come on then. Let’s get some sleep.” He pulled back the covers and shuffled over into the middle of the bed, a twin now curled up on either side. Pulling the duvet back around them he mumbled a quiet ‘goodnight’, all of his alertness from before draining out of him.


	4. Put all your doubts to bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast in the mindscape and a talk about what's happened.

Several hours later Janus awoke to a giggling set of twins taking turns poking his cheeks. Raising a brow he hummed, “Big mistake hatchlings, extra arms means I’m especially skilled at tickling.” He smirked as both Roman and Remus fell backwards, powerless against his attack. “Do you give up yet?” He asked with a wide grin.

“Yes! Yes, we relent!” Squealed Roman, Remus quickly following suit.

“Good.” Janus began, sitting up and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed, “How about pancakes than, as a sign of our truce?” Loud cheering was his response, followed by Roman jumping onto his back as he stood up. Regaining his balance after nearly falling due to the sudden change in centre of gravity he laughed and used a set of arms two give Roman a piggyback ride while extending another set expectantly.

Remus grinned and ran across the bed before bouncing into Janus’ arms. With that, Janus’ carried them down the stairs, sitting them on stools at the kitchen island where they happily watched him make their breakfast.

It was nice, thought Janus, to have others around. He thought he hadn’t minded the near silence that came with his loneliness but now, after only a day, he knew it would be hell to go back to it. He shook those thoughts away, there was no chance he was letting the self-proclaimed light sides get their hands on his kids. He startled when he realised what he’d called them before a smile settled onto his face. His kids. Huh. He liked that.

Finishing up the cooking he served a stack of pancakes onto the tabletop, laying out plates for them as well as additional toppings before settling into a seat himself. Lemon juice and sugar for him, strawberries and powdered sugar for Roman and for Remus, well…he seemed perfectly content to drown his breakfast in maple syrup. Janus couldn’t help but grin as he watched the pair eat. Roman slowly using both his knife and fork while Remus chose to stab his food to mush until it could just be spooned into his mouth.

Once everyone was finished, Janus began cleaning up, surprised when the boys insisted on helping. It was quicker this way and went surprisingly smoothly as well. Soon enough, everything was cleaned, dried and put away, the three of them heading into the living room after and settling down. Remus and Roman on the sofa and Janus in one of the armchairs.

Janus took a moment to think about what he wanted to ask as the twins stared at him. “How…how are you two feeling? I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be separated. Remus, you said it hurt when it happened, does it still hurt?” He waited patiently as they seemed to seriously consider his questions. Good, he’d rather they think and answer honestly than give the first answer that came to mind.

Roman was the first to speak up, “Remus was right, it hurt…it hurt a lot when it happened and it still hurt a lot when we weren’t together, when we were kept separate. It feels better now that we’re together again, I think that the further apart we get the more it hurts?” He looked to Remus for confirmation, to see if he felt the same.

Remus nodded thoughtfully, “I think you’re right, it’s better when you’re close by but it’s fine when we’re in separate rooms, so maybe just big distances?” Roman nodded in agreement, that seemed like a reasonable assumption.

“As for how we’re feeling…well for me at least, I feel better now I’m here in the…the darkscape?” Said Roman, looking to Janus to get confirmation about the name of the place they were in. Receiving a nod he continued, “I think it’s cause you’re here? When you showed up to save me I kinda just knew I could trust you?”

“Me too! It took a bit but I knew I could trust you!” Remus added on, quickly backing up his brother.

Janus stared at them before making a guess at what he assumed could be the cause of the instinctual trust, “I was good friends…with King Romulus before…well before this all happened, I think you might trust me because, well because _he_ trusted me, if that makes sense?”

“Cool!” Proclaimed Remus excitedly. Janus couldn’t help but grin at Remus’ joy over still holding some of Romulus’ intuition, his smile dropped however when he noticed the troubled look on Roman’s face.

“Roman? Are you alright hatchling?” He asked worriedly, causing Remus’ smile to fall as well as he saw his twin.

“It’s just…do you- do you hate us? Cause…cause we’re not him?” Roman rushed out, closing his eyes tightly as soon as he was done, trying to hide his building tears. He liked Janus and he didn’t want him to hate them but…but what if he did and he couldn’t fix it because they can’t get Romulus back and-

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to see Janus kneeling in front of him, a gentle, reassuring and kind look on his face. “I could never hate you or Remus, Roman, I promise. You’re not Romulus anymore, true and yes, I miss him. However, you’re your own person now and I will never hold that against you, despite hating what Morality has put you both through, I am _glad_ to be able to get to know the two of you.”

Roman stared at him before lurching forward and wrapping his arms around his neck, “Thank you, Janus,” he mumbled. Janus opened his arms a little wider so Remus could join the hug before pulling the twins onto his lap as he sat on the floor.

“Of course, Roman.” They sat like that for a few minutes until Remus became restless and squirmed out of the hug, pulling Roman with him.

“Come on Ro, let’s go show Janus the imagination!” Roman quickly wiped his eyes and agreed. Each twin grabbing one of Janus’ hands and dragging him along to their room.


	5. Saint among liars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Roman find an old photo in Janus' room and want to know who the boy with him in the picture is. They've never seen him around but he and Janus look so happy together, so where is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now things are gonna start getting spicy! And by that I mean sad. Well, sadder.

It had been almost a full week since both of the creativitwins had taken up residence in the darkscape and Janus hadn’t felt this good in ages. He was sitting alone in the living room while Roman and Remus went exploring through their new home. That was, until he heard a shout of, “Hey! Janus!” There was no panic in the voice so he took his time getting up and climbing the stairs to see what it was they wanted.

He couldn’t help but to roll his eyes fondly when he saw it was his bedroom door that was open. Well, it was his own fault, he mused, he had said there was nowhere off-limits. He couldn’t fault them for taking advantage of his assumption that they wouldn’t go digging around in his room. In fact, he was almost proud of them.

“Yes, problem children?” He asked with a smirk, leaning against the door frame. He took a little bit of joy in the way they both jumped in sync out of surprise. Quirking a brow at them he waited for them to get to the reason they had deemed important enough to call him up here.

It was Remus who finally spoke. “Who’s that?” He asked, pointing up at a framed photograph sitting on top of a chest of drawers. Janus’ smirk faltered as he stared at the photo. It was him, smiling happily at the camera, a boy around the same age as Roman and Remus were now sitting atop his shoulders, smirking in a way so similar to Janus does.

Slowly he walked forward and took the photo in his hands, taking a seat on the bench at the end of his bed. Remus and Roman climbed up to sit on either side of him, leaning in so they could also see the picture. Janus stroked a thumb over the grinning face of the boy in the photo before softly answering, “His name is Virgil. He’s anxiety.”

It was Roman who spoke now, though just as quietly as Janus had been, sensing the weird atmosphere that had come over the room, “Oh…is he the thunder cloud? The one I saw back over with the others?” Janus answered with a silent nod, still staring at the photo, eyes not leaving Virgil’s smiling face.

“Anxiety?” Remus questioned, making a concentrated effort to keep his voice low, “That doesn’t sound like a ‘light’ side thing to be.”

Janus could feel the tears beginning to gather in his eyes as the conversation continued. Still, he should tell them. They deserved to know. “You’re right, It’s not a very ‘light’ thing to be, is it?” He asked back with a small, watery laugh, “At least you two can understand that. He... he wasn’t always and he wasn’t meant to be…” Janus took a deep breath, forcing himself to remain calm and continue, “He was a son to me and then…then Patton, Morality that is, came here and…and took him.” He couldn’t keep the wobble out of his voice and cursed the way his voice cracked.

The twin's eyes widened, Roman slapping a hand over his mouth and Remus’ eyebrows furrowing, and they stared at each other before wrapping their arms around Janus, hugging him as tightly as they could. They knew exactly what it felt like to be separated from someone who you should always be with and they never wanted that for anyone else. _Especially not Janus_. “But…but what about the barrier? How did he get through?” Roman asked after a moment, worriedly chewing his bottom lip. If he could get through before how safe were they now?

Janus, sensing where his thoughts may be going, hurried to answer, “The barrier wasn’t up then. Nothing had ever warranted it being raised. I…Nothing like that had _ever_ happened before and I had never expected Patton to- _to kidnap my son._ After that I was alone, King Romulus was even forbidden from coming to visit me. I was forced out of the lightscape by Patton years ago and since it was just me there was no point raising the barrier. Still, I…I left it open in hopes that maybe Virgil would find a way to return to me.”

Roman and Remus shared another look before Remus spoke up, “You’ve raised it now though! What if he tried to come back and can’t get in?! And how does morality have so much power?! I mean forcing you out of the lightscape and stopping us from coming to visit you?!”

“I’ve been waiting for years to see if Virgil would come back but I believe they’ve done something to him. I tried to rescue him once but he refused to come with me. The barrier’s raised now though because I have no doubt that if I lowered it again, Patton or Logan, Logic, would try and take one of you away. As for Patton’s power, well that’s due to the host. He listens to Morality more than anyone else, it gives Patton significantly more power than the rest of us have.” 

“I’m so sorry dad,” Roman muttered, freezing when he registered what he’d said and seeing the tears finally overflow from Janus’ eyes. Yes, he saw Janus as his father and he knew Remus felt the same way but this was possibly the worst time to say it! Just as he began to feel the panic set in, Janus grabbed him and Remus and pulled them onto his lap after setting the photo aside.

“You…you see me as your father?” Janus asked, awe colouring his tone. Roman ducked his head and nodded and even Remus looked away as he uttered his ‘yes’. Janus grinned and held them close, laughing wetly and rocking them side to side.

“My boys. My sons!” He mumbled excitedly, laughing again in disbelief. He fully embraced this revelation, gladly letting it distract him from the pain of talking about Virgil. He allowed himself to get caught up in the much more positive emotions and sighed happily.

The twins didn’t know exactly how Janus’ mood had changed so drastically so fast but they weren’t going to dwell on it. As long as he was happy. Grinning at each other over his shoulders as Janus clung to them they let the fact that he thought of them as his sons fill them with joy.

Minutes later, after Janus had calmed his warring emotions he was exhausted but knew it wasn’t good to sleep while feeling such emotional turmoil, “Let’s go watch a movie huh? You two can pick, run along.”

He set the photograph back on its place on the drawers and smiled at it before he followed after his sons. His heart still stubbornly clinging to the hope that maybe one day he’d have them all together.


	6. We'll use you as a warning sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing for the first time, live and in-person, may I present to you...Virgil!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author has not slept in twenty-four hours.  
> Author is heckin tired.  
> Author is a frickin moron.  
> Anyways, here's some Virgil content (finally)
> 
> Just a reminder, Virg is a teenager, either 14 or 15

It was a hesitant Janus who allowed Remus and Roman to play so close to the barrier. Logically, he knew that no one could reach them here, no matter how close they got to the edge but still, he worried. After keeping a close eye on them for a few hours with nothing happening, not even a hint of someone else being anywhere nearby, he decided to make a conscious effort to relax. They were safe. No one was going to come and take them. No one could.

Making up his mind, he called the twins over. “I have to go back to the house to get something, I’ll be back soon. Remember, don’t get too close to the border and if anyone comes by, you come home immediately.” With nods and words of agreement and understanding from both of them, Janus turned and forced himself to begin walking, if slightly faster than usual.

* * *

It was close to half an hour later when it happened. Janus still wasn’t back and the twins slowly quietened as they felt eyes on them. Turning to face the barrier, they couldn’t help but jump when someone appeared only a few metres away, stepping out from the shadows.

Roman summoned his sword and grabbed onto Remus’ sleeve, slowly starting to back up but Remus still hadn’t moved. “Come on, Dukey. Dad told us to go back if anyone showed up.” He whispered, tugging slightly on his sleeve.

“Look though,” Remus began, pointing at the side across the barrier, “at his hoodie! A thunder cloud! Do you think that’s-”

“That’s Virgil.” Roman’s eyes widened and he released his brother’s sleeve, lowering his sword, if only slightly. Nodding to Remus, who nodded back and summoned his morning star, they approached the border, stopping only a few centimetres away from the barrier.

Likewise, Virgil had slowly approached, hands stuffed in his pockets and hood up to hide his face. It wasn’t often he wandered around or left his room in general but today, for some reason, he just couldn’t stand being there. He looked down at the two in front of him, vaguely aware that one of them had to be the one Patton was so upset about losing.

Eyeing him sceptically, Remus started, “Your anxiety, right?”

“Virgil?” Roman added on.

Blinking a couple of times, he nodded, “Uh, yeah, Romu-” he cut himself off, not Romulus. Not anymore. “Roman and…Remus?” he questioned looking between the two. He hadn’t seen them after Creativity had been split, so wasn’t entirely sure which was which. All he knew was that Patton had kept Roman and sent his twin away to the darkscape. He hadn’t agreed with the decision, to split Romulus or separate the twins, but it wasn’t as though he had any say in the matter. He couldn’t voice his objections either, that…that just wasn’t a good idea.

“Yeah, I’m Duke Remus and he’s Prince Roman.” Remus said with a gesture to his twin who gave Virgil a nod in greeting.

“So what are you two little runts doing out here alone?” He wasn’t concerned. Nope. Definitely not. The situation just felt much too familiar for him to be entirely comfortable with it. He shook himself off before he could become too focused on memories. Remembering was dangerous. Remembering got him in trouble.

The brother’s traded glances, appearing to Virgil to be having a silent conversation, before looking back at him. “We’re not alone. Dad’s just gone back to the house to get something. He’ll be back soon though.” Roman explained, trying to sound more confident than he sounded. Remus still resolutely at his side helped with that.

“Dad?” Virgil’s voice was so soft that it was nearly inaudible to Roman and Remus despite being so close. They looked at each other again before coming to a decision and both taking seats right in front of the barrier. Looking expectantly at Virgil until he did the same.

The three sat cross-legged across from each other, staring, until Remus broke the silence. “What’s with the scar?” He asked, touching his own face to indicate where he meant. Virgil raised his hand to the small white scar just below his eye before biting his lip. “I got hurt a while ago. It didn’t heal properly and now it’s there forever.” Remus nodded in understanding and the silence returned. Virgil was more than relieved that neither of them pressed the issue of how he’d been hurt.

“You, uh, you mentioned, ‘dad’, is that, is he-” Virgil began awkwardly, before dropping his head and forcing himself to stop. The dark sides were evil. He knew that. The dark sides were evil and he was lucky to have been rescued, lucky to have been saved. He was good now. He was good. He was safe with the light sides. He was happy.

“Janus! Yeah! He found Remus and then he came and saved me!” Roman gushed excitedly, not noticing Virgil’s change in mood. Remus grinned widely in agreement and nodded along.

“Saved you? From what? There’s nothing bad here.” The answer felt hollow and rehearsed even as he said it.

Remus jumped to his feet and started yelling, “Of course there’s bad things there! That Morality tore us in half! And then he kept Roman while he forced me out! And he kidnapped you! Roman was lucky to have been saved by Janus!” Roman climbed to his feet, trying to calm his twin while also keeping an eye on Virgil.

“No, no. I-I’m the lucky one. Patton, he-he saved me. Let me be good. I was evil and- and he helped me…” Virgil murmured as if trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince them. A sharp intake of breath caused his head to snap up.

The twins ran to him as soon as he reappeared, standing behind him but all of Janus’ attention was locked onto Virgil. He didn’t move, too afraid that he’d scare him away if he got any closer. Tears gathered in his eyes as Virgil’s head rose and they locked eyes. Moments went by in silence until he found his voice, “Virgil…you’ve grown,” was all he managed to say, his voice wrecked with emotion.

He watched the tears well in Virgil’s own eyes before he stood and ran, stumbling back into the lightscape and out of view. His feet were rooted to the spot, his arm outstretched, reaching after him. Remus and Roman had no clue what they should do, so waited for Janus to make the first move.

He cleared his throat and shakily spoke, tone hollow, “I…think we should go home now.” With a nod to himself, he turned around, placing a hand on the twin’s shoulders and guiding them back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, baby Virg is lowkey brainwashed. Sad emo times.  
> Btw, you guys? You're all frickin amazing! So thanks for everything! Every comment, kudos, etc. means so much to me so just...thanks, y'know! :)  
> Okay, I'm gonna go pass out now, see y'all tomorrow! Peace out!


	7. I was wrong (and I'm so, so sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins are more than a little concerned for Janus, and Virgil realises maybe things with the light sides aren't quite as good as he's been told they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil: Hmm, maybe this isn't a healthy environment to be in?

Janus hadn’t been the same since he’d seen Virgil at the border and that had been days ago. The twins were beginning to become concerned. He was still kind and loving, still looked after them of course and he was clearly trying to hide his pain but they could see it. They could see it in the way he would freeze and stare off into space, in the way his smiles had become so sad and he no longer laughed, in the way his eyes filled with ghosts whenever he looked at them.

It was late and he was settling them into bed for the night when they finally decided to say something, “…Padre?” Roman asked quietly just before he closed the door.

“Yes, little Prince? What is it?” Janus asked, pausing in the doorway and looking back at him. He waited patiently as Roman fidgeted, searching for the right words to say.

“We’re worried about you.” Remus said bluntly, not liking the silence. Janus started, surprised when he looked to Roman just to see him nodding in agreement. Well, he supposed, maybe he hadn’t been hiding his emotions as well as he’d hoped he had been.

“Thank you for your concern, I’m sorry for having worried you. Seeing…Virgil…was hard for me, after so long. It was a shock, but I’ll be okay,” he tried for a smile, relieved when the twins seemed relaxed by it, “I promise.”

“Goodnight, Roman, Remus. Sleep well.” He said, closing the door softly. Listening for any movement or noise for a moment he sighed, shoulders slumping and made his way to his own room. He had been so exhausted but sleep was still hard. Sighing heavily, he changed and dropped into bed, wrapping himself tightly in the covers.

* * *

Virgil hadn’t been the same since he’d seen Janus at the border and that had been days ago. Nobody was concerned though, they didn’t even notice. He lay curled up on his bed in the dark, wrapped tightly in his hoodie, headphones on, music blasting. Da-…Deceit…had seemed so concerned about him…it was strange. He was evil. Why would he care? It could be a trick, Patton said he was good at tricking people, but he had seemed so genuine. Like he really cared.

Virgil felt his eyes pricking with frustrated tears for the nth time in the days since he’d seen him. Pulling himself up, he allowed himself to slip to the floor, sitting cross-legged as he reached for a box he kept hidden away under his bed. Pulling it out he lifted off the lid and carefully took out a photograph. It was of him. Him and Deceit. He was sitting on his shoulder’s and grinning. They looked so…happy together. He could barely remember being so happy, it felt like he was looking at someone else.

He couldn’t exactly remember this. Patton said remembering his time with Deceit was dangerous. That it could set back all the progress he’d made. He always listened to Patton… Why? He thought to himself, why exactly did he always listen to Patton? Because Patton’s right, his mind immediately supplied. He shook his head, Patton couldn’t be right all the time…could he?

Virgil bit his lip and looked around nervously, as though even thinking of questioning the more powerful side would lead to punishment. _Punishment_. That’s why he didn’t question him. At least…that was why in the beginning. He removed his headphones and set them aside, clutching his head in his hands tightly. It had been a long time since he’d had thoughts like this, questioning thoughts, thoughts that argued against all he’d been told by the light sides. He forced himself to look back. Look back to his time before becoming ‘good’, back when he was evil like Deceit.

He hadn’t in a while because, well because Patton had ordered him not to. And he always listened to Patton. He searched through half-destroyed, forbidden memories for proof. Proof of Deceit’s evil and cruelty. That’s not what he saw. He saw Deceit tucking him into bed, catching him when he fell, laughing with him. He saw Janus hugging him, playing games with him, taking care of him. He heard his dad telling him he loved him. “Dad!” He whimpered, muffling his heartbroken cry with his hands.

The tears began flowing freely as he was assaulted by more memories. He had been…playing close to the house but…not close enough. Then there was Patton and he was picked up and he was crying and his dad was chasing them but he couldn’t get to him, there was a barrier and he was alone.

He remembered trying to leave once but he was caught…he was caught and, Virgil’s hand raised to his scar and he lightly traced his fingers over it. Janus had come to get him, almost getting himself captured in the process but he hadn’t gone with him…why hadn’t he gone with him? Because dark sides are bad his mind whispered, they’re evil. He shook the thought from his head, that couldn’t be right.

Shakily he stood, stumbling around his room as quietly as he could. He grabbed the photo and the other things in the box, his headphones, a few hoodies and other small things, cramming them all into a bag. His mind wasn’t clear, he wasn’t thinking straight right now, he knew that, but he also knew he couldn’t bear to stay here a moment longer. With trembling hands and racing breath he slipped out of the door, looking back at the clock as he left. Patton would be coming soon. He had to hurry.

* * *

Janus shot up in bed, sweating and clammy, choking back a scream. Unsteadily he raced to the twin's room, pushing the door open and sighing in pure relief at seeing they were still there, safe and sound. A nightmare, it was just a nightmare he told himself. Still, he sat himself down in the chair in the corner of the room. It wouldn’t hurt to stay and watch over them for a while. Soon he began drifting off, fear still gripping his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's on the move! He runnin'!


	8. Let the shadows fall behind you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's made his escape but will he actually be able to make it home?

Virgil’s fists pounded desperately on the barrier, vision blurred with tears, breath’s short, shallow and racing as he desperately fought for control. He looked over his shoulder at the sound of distant movement and his hammering became more frantic.

_He needed in, he couldn’t get caught again, they’d hurt him, please, please, please don’t-_

* * *

Janus bolted upright, looking around disorientedly, he had been slumped over asleep in the chair in the twin's room but- no they were okay, still sound asleep. Then what could’ve caused him to wake so abruptly? It took him a moment before he shot to his feet. The barrier.

Darting out of the room and down the stairs he grabbed his cape tossing it around his shoulders and threw open the door, racing to the border as fast as his feet could possibly carry him, shoes forgotten. His eyes widened as he saw the massive ripples spreading across the barrier, all coming from one point.

Virgil looked over his shoulder, he could see their shadows now. Oh God, they were almost here, they were going to get him, they were going to get him and they were going to force him back there and they were going to hurt him again. _Evil, he was evil, he was bad, he didn’t deserve their kindness, he was sorry, oh god, he was sorry, please, please just don’t hurt him._

It was at that moment that Janus was able to lower and raise the barrier faster than he ever thought possible. He was immediately knocked to the ground, pinned down by the body now on top of him.

Virgil could have died of relief as the barrier dropped and he stumbled through, a comforting darkness he hadn’t felt in years surrounding him once more. He stumbled forward and fell, desperately clutching the shirt of the person he’d landed on. They smelled so familiar, like lemon and sugar. Looking up and scrubbing his face he found himself staring into the shining amber eyes of Janus, “D-dad?” He croaked out hoarsely. At Janus’ silent nod he buried his head in his father's chest and continued to cry, fear and relief mixing in his heart.

Janus was frozen, managing to half sit up after Virgil had barrelled into him. He slowly wrapped his arms around his son, _his son_ , holding him as close as he could without making Virgil feel trapped. He was gone as soon as Virgil called him dad. He fisted one hand in the back of his hoodie the other going up to card through Virgil’s hair, crying into his shoulder.

They stayed that way for what had to be minutes but what felt like mere seconds to them. Janus first gathered Virgil to him, holding him close to his chest as though he could disappear at any moment, if the way Virgil was still clutching onto him was anything to go by he felt the same, before pushing himself to his feet.

Virgil’s head remained buried in his neck as Janus finally noticed that they’d had an audience for at least some of the time. He stared unblinking and unafraid into Patton’s furious eyes. Wordlessly, he turned his back on them. They held no power here.

As they began to leave, one thing broke the silence, “If you come back now, you won’t be punished, Virgil.” Patton’s voice was low and cold, angrier than Janus had ever heard it. He was normally so careful to keep his bright, cheery persona in place, truthfully it was startling for Janus to hear. He felt Virgil’s violent flinch as the words reached him. Janus paused for just a moment to check on him before they continued.

“Virg-”

“NO!” Virgil clamped a hand over his mouth as soon as he’d screamed it. He hadn’t used his echo voice in so long, he began shaking, tremors racking his whole body as he ducked his head and hid. He could hear nothing except a ringing in his ears and he was caught up in feeling as if he were drowning.

Logan helped Patton up, Virgil’s scream knocking them both to the ground and with a sharp hissed, “You’ll regret this, Anxiety,” they turned and left.

* * *

Virgil hadn’t heard a word of their parting sentence to caught up in his terror to even register that something had been said. The next thing he was actually able to hear was Janus’ soothing voice, gently shushing and calming him, “It’s okay little spiderling, you’re safe now they can’t hurt you here.” Here, turned out to be the darkscape living room, he hadn’t even noticed they’d arrived home. _Home_. _He was actually home_. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and Janus was pressing a mug of hot liquid into his hands. Hot chocolate is what it turned out to be.

After he had finished, Janus took his hand and slowly pulled him up from the couch, leading him up the stairs as he was hit with a wave of familiarity and nostalgia. It felt so strange to be back after so long and so little had changed. He snapped back into focus as Janus began talking, “Your room is still just there,” he began, gesturing to a door a little further on, “or-”

“Please don’t leave me!” He rushed out before he even had time to think. He felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment and ducked his head. Feelings were weak, they clouded judgement, how could he forget? That’s what Logan always told him, _stupid, stupid, st-_

“Or you can sleep in my room if you’d prefer,” Janus finished his sentence from before he’d been cut off, tilting Virgil’s head up to meet his eyes. “You’ve been through so much, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to be alone.”

Virgil nodded soundlessly, not being able to bring himself to speak. Janus nodded back in understanding, “I’ve got some pyjama’s that might be a little big on you but should do for now.” Janus was too exhausted to summon anything right now and Virgil was most certainly not in a state to do so either.

Virgil nodded again slightly and proceed into the room at Janus’ prompting. Virgil grabbed the change of clothes from the dresser and scurried out of the room again, into the bathroom to change. When he returned Janus was already in bed, on the verge of sleep, just awake enough to murmur a quiet, “Goodnight, little spider,” before he drifted away.

Slowly Virgil approached the bed, curling up next to his father and likewise falling asleep near instantaneously, getting the best night of sleep he’d had in years.


	9. You've been gone too long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some domestic fluff with a little angst.

Roman and Remus woke up early. They always woke up early, both filled with too much energy to ever actually sleep in. Normally, however, Janus was also awake and already working on breakfast as they made their way downstairs but today they couldn’t hear any noise floating up from the kitchen. Trading confused glances they made their way along the hall to Janus’ room similar to the way they had on their first night there. Except for this time, they didn’t bother knocking.

Pushing open the door, the pair crept into the dimly lit room only to see not one but two people sound asleep on the bed. Not wanting to wake them, but also both desperately curious and wanting a closer look, they pulled themselves up onto the bench at the end of the bed. Remus could barely contain his squeal of excitement, Roman much the same as he slapped a hand excitedly over his mouth. With sparkling eyes the pair grinned at each other, looking at the sleeping forms of both Janus and Virgil, Janus protectively curled around his son, Virgil’s head tucked under his chin.

Quickly, and as quietly as a pair of hyperactive children could, they left the room and hurried down the stairs to the living room. Breakfast could wait, they had a new brother! Janus could be happy again!

* * *

Virgil woke first, panic almost immediately setting in when he didn’t recognise his surroundings. It took him a moment to look up and see Janus before all of the memories from last night came flooding back to him. He had left, _escaped_ , he corrected himself, from the lightscape and now he was…home. It all felt too simple. After years of torment and fear, he was just…free? _Way too simple._

“You’re thinking so loud I can almost hear it,” Janus smirked sleepily, pressing his palms to his eyes to clear the exhaustion as he sat up, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. It still felt unreal to him that Virgil was _right there_ , close enough to just reach out and touch.

“S-sorry,” Virgil mumbled, ducking his head nervously.

“No need to apologise little spider,” Janus smiled at him as Virgil hesitantly lifted his head. He knew it wouldn’t be an easy process of helping Virgil to readjust but it didn’t matter how hard it got. As long as he got the chance to _try_. “How about breakfast? You can properly meet the twins.”

Virgil’s eyes took on a nervous excitement but he nodded anyway. He had liked the twins when he had talked to them and he was going to be living with them from now on so he supposed he should get to know them anyway. Standing, he followed after Janus’ after only a moment’s pause. He could do this. No need to worry.

Stepping into the kitchen, he couldn’t help huffing a surprised laugh as he saw the mess covering the kitchen island. Puddles of milk and patches of cereal littered the surface along with a few pieces of burnt toast.

Two pairs of eyes snapped to him at the noise and he froze, blushing slightly before trying for a smile and a small wave. “We made breakfast!” Remus grinned widely, seemingly pleased with their work.

“We _tried_ to make breakfast.” Roman huffed as hair fell over his eyes, shooting a crooked smile at Virgil, scratching the back of his head.

“Ah, well, trying is what’s important,” Janus smirked, humour colouring his tone as he looked at them fondly. Snapping his fingers the mess was vanished before their eyes, replaced with a plate of bagels. He was tired and couldn’t be bothered actually preparing food today, sue him

Virgil dropped into the seat next to Janus and across from Roman as he slowly reached for a bagel, as if waiting for someone to tell him he couldn’t. When no one protested he pulled it closer and glanced around the room, eyes lighting up when he saw a pot of coffee sitting on the counter. Excitedly he turned to Janus, “Can I-”

“Of course.” Janus interrupted, watching with amusement as Virgil darted out of his seat to the coffee pot, sighing gratefully as he took his first sip.

Breakfast went well, it was calm, it was…nice. Janus and Virgil were left to clean up alone as the twins ran off. Well, it was nice, that is until Virgil dropped his mug, it shattering as it hit the floor. The mood of the room shifted in an instant, things becoming tense and heavy. Virgil’s hands began trembling and his eyes widened and became glassy as he dropped to his knees, desperately grabbing at pieces of the broken cup.

Virgil’s eyes were bleary with tears as he tried to gather the pieces. His hands stung sharply as they were cut up but the pain barely even registered in his fear addled mind. He didn’t mean to, he swears, it was an accident, it was just an accident, please-

Janus fell to his knees in front of his son, slowly reaching out to stop him from hurting himself any further, “Patton, no, I-I’m sorry! It was an accident! You don’t need to punish me, I’ll be good I promise! I didn’t-didn’t mean to!” Janus retched his hands back as though he’d been burned, watching as Virgil violently flinched back and curled in on himself protectively, trembling.

Janus had to fight back warring anger and heartbreak as he listened to his son’s desperate pleas to not be hurt. “Virgil? Virgil shh, it’s okay, it’s just me, it’s Janus. He’s not here, he can’t hurt you now, I swear.” As Virgil gradually came back to himself as he risked a peek up at the figure kneeling next to him. That…that wasn’t Patton or-or Logan so…

“D-dad?” He whispered questioningly, receiving a nod and compassionate, concerned eyes staring into his own.

Janus reached out again, much more cautiously than before, and pulled Virgil closer to him after having banished the broken shards between them. They stayed sat on the floor as Janus summoned a first aid kit to take care of Virgil’s hands. He winced as Janus worked, eventually helping him stand and gently guiding him to the couch where they sat side by side.

“I think it’s time we talk Virgil.” Virgil’s stomach dropped at even the mention of discussing what he’d been through but looking at Janus’ imploring expression he knew it was only out of concern that he wanted to. Maybe…maybe this would help.


	10. I've been on my own (praying like a sinner)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Virgil finally get to talk about what Virgil was put through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! Finally! The Virgil angst is about to hit HARD! Good luck!

Virgil had managed to convince Janus to push off their talk until later in the evening. He figured it was better to not run the risk of either Roman or Remus walking in on them, it wouldn’t be good for them to hear what they were going to be talking about. Despite the issues after breakfast earlier, Virgil could admit that this had been one of the best days he’d had in… in a really long time.

He spent hours entertaining the twins with tales of heroes and villains, the villain’s always being defeated and sometimes even beheaded much to the delight of Remus. He sat in the living room and watched movies of his choosing, something he’d never been allowed to do before, while drinking coffee and being provided with snacks. He even helped Janus cook dinner and watched with a soft smile as he tucked the twins into bed for the night.

* * *

Now was the moment he had been dreading though. He was once again sat on the couch, an old, long-forgotten purple blanket wrapped around him, warm light coming from a single lamp as his father smiled at him reassuringly. After staring down for what he felt was probably too long he quietly spoke, “I, uh, don’t- I don’t know where to start. There’s so much…” He trailed off, unsure.

“That’s okay. How about I ask a question and you take it from there?” At Virgil’s nod, he thought. What did he most want to know? He knew what he most _needed_ to know. What they had done to him. That seemed like a very difficult place to start though. After a few more seconds of thought, he had it. This question had plagued his mind for so long, “Why didn’t you come with me when I came to get you?”

Virgil cringed at how hurt Janus sounded as he asked. It had hurt him too but… “I…” he started before stopping. Clenching his fists determinedly and pushing on he kept going, “I wanted to. I remember that. I really, _really_ wanted to but I’d already tried to run before,” he ignored the way Janus’ head snapped up at that, “and they caught me and well,” he traced his fingers over the scar under his eye, “they taught me why that was a bad idea.” Angry tears welled up in his eyes and a feral grin came across his face as he scoffed, “A reminder, Patton called it. A reminder of what happened to _evil_ sides.”

Janus could only stare in shocked, broken silence as Virgil kept going. Now that he’d finally been given the chance to start he seemed to not be able to stop, words just kept pouring out of him.

“So when you came and tried to save me I was just _so afraid._ Afraid of what they’d do to me if they found out I’d left and afraid of what they’d do to you if they caught you so I pushed you away but…that’s not all…they’d already began drilling it into my head that you were _evil_ and _cruel_ and that they were just trying to save me, trying to help me,” he spat the words like the taste of them in his mouth made him want to throw up.

“Host be damned I actually considered myself _lucky_!” Virgil could feel the air getting caught in his throat, hear his words becoming a frantic mess but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “I was _so fucking grateful_ that they were giving me the chance to be good, to not be the _monster_ they told me that I was that I accepted that everything they did was for my greater good! As if anything that happened since he took me had been anything but _pure_ _torture_.” He was seething, hot tears burning in his eyes and his face flushed with repressed fury, his chest heaving as he gulped down much-needed air.

He didn’t even process that it had been an anxiety attack he was having until Janus was kneeling in front of him, taking one of his hands and placing it over his heart, encouraging him to count backwards from five and breathe with him. When it was over and Janus was sat next to him, he slumped against him, rage draining out of him only to be replaced by a bone-deep apathy he’d come to fear and take comfort in equal measures.

Guilt is what had taken hold of Janus. Truthfully, it had settled in his heart years ago but it was back tenfold now, fresh and biting as opposed to the dull ache it had become. Still, he pushed it aside. He didn’t have time to focus on himself or his emotions right now. He needed to focus on Virgil. He was the only thing that mattered right now. “Would you like to continue, Virgil? I fully understand if you need to stop.”

Virgil shook his head against Janus’ shoulder. Emotionlessly he continued, empty purple eyes staring ahead. “There were more punishments, reminders, though no others were as permanent, so I guess that’s something,” he laughed humourlessly. “They made sure I knew that I was the burden, that they were ‘oh so kind’ for bothering to even try with me. I believed them too and isn’t that fucked up?” Janus remained silent, knowing the question to be rhetorical.

“I think I started to actually think for myself again when Romulus was split. Not completely but it was the seed that kinda started it, y’know? I guess I was sorta okay with them hurting me but it really hit me that what they were doing wasn’t right when they were going to drag Roman into it as well? Yeah, that sounds right. It was fine if I was in pain but not others?” He nodded to himself as he finished, exhausted, dry eyes slipping closed.

It took a few moments for Janus to realise that Virgil had fallen asleep on him. He couldn’t get over the fact that even in his sleep Virgil looked tensed and ready for something to happen to him at any moment. As carefully as he could, Janus gathered his son to him as silent tears slipped from his eyes, pouring down his face.

* * *

As he lay Virgil down, actually in his own room, he stared at him for a moment, still not making any move to wipe away the flood of tears. He dropped to his knees, leaning on the edge of the bed as though in prayer as he whispered into the silence, “I’m so sorry Virgil. _I’m so, so sorry._ I swear, _I swear no one will ever hurt you again_. I’ll protect you like I should have done before.”

Virgil couldn’t have heard his words but still, his sleep became just a little more restful as Janus stayed there the whole night through, silently watching over him.

No matter how long it took, Janus was going to help Virgil recover in any way he could, he knew he wasn’t the same but that was okay. As long as he was safe and given the chance to feel loved again. He had his son back after so many years and had gained two more in the process. Maybe things were finally looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! I'm gonna be doing one-shots in this AU so if there are any you'd like to see please let me know! The one's I've got planned already are Romulus trying to look out for Virg before the split, Janus trying to give the twins a bath, Virgil struggling to understand that he's not evil, the splitting of Romulus and Janus giving Roman and Remus Romulus' crown. 
> 
> I'm also thinking about doing a sequel? I'm not sure what it'd be about but I am interested in writing it so if you guys have any ideas PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let me know! 
> 
> Okay, love y'all and thank you so much for reading! You're all great! -MercuryStars :))

**Author's Note:**

> Romulus was an adult, like Pat, Lo and Jan but when Patton split him Roman and Remus became kids.


End file.
